missed the train
by vix vivere
Summary: galaxies circled in cosmic pattern, choosing to spread their joy to the earth by falling—gruvia au (it's a gratsu au on my ao3 tho)


missed the train

….

* * *

Oh how he loves his train wreck city. With that joy in existence without which the universe will fall apart and collapse. Ice and snow and then rain and at last sunlight breaking through the clouds, and green again, green of grass and trees, blue of sky by day, sparkle of stars by night. His train wreck city had it all.

He remembers those sweet summer days basking in the sun whilst being surrounded by the freshly cool ocean waves. He remembers those chilly winter months when the sun would set early and he would watch as the snow took the world for a road trip. He looks back in his memories a little further and finds himself laughing with his beloved mentor Ur and doesn't mind that he can't recall what they were laughing at at all.

He likes to take a trip down memory lane to see all those beloved days he spent being happy. He likes to remember that he's shared most all of them with his dear Ur and that they've had a good, fortunate life to be thankful for.

….

* * *

But the saying shines true, that nothing ever stays good.

The people in his train wreck city chose to ignore the signs of war. They refused to believe something as terrible as war was to be declared upon them. They soon learned that they had been ignorant for far too long when even their children had to be deployed into battle.

Sweet crimson stained his hands, palms pressed tightly against the wound in Ur's chest. Raw denial flooded his mind as he knelt beside her frail, delicate body. It was so deep, and his mind thought wildly to, in some way, remove the bullet in the wound that's taking her away from him.

He knew he had been too late even as he dropped next to her, bloody and wounded from his own battle he had been rushed into. Her shaky hand rested upon his cheek, a smear of blood sliding across his tan face where her hand rested.

"Oh Gray, please don't cry," Ur gasped. There was a wet sounding rasp in the back of her throat, more gurgle than words. His stomach dropped low.

"Silly, I don't cry," He croaked, his voice so tight with terror he could barely speak. He fought for a smile despite the boiling in his eyes. Gray's voice did not shake, it did not quiver, he does not _cry_, "It is raining, sweetheart"

The wounded woman looked up at the calm, spring sun shining overhead, no clouds in sight. Her bloody mouth stretched into a small smile as she whispered in her frail voice, "I see that."

"You'll be okay, of course," Gray tried to pull the bullet out from the hole in her chest, trying to see through his clouding vision, "You will be the strange mother figure that pesters me, for many years to come."

Her laughter came in a short, weak noise that turned into an ugly cough. His heart clenched and the burning tears he had held back for so long rolled down his cheeks, "I think we both know—that is not the case."

Denial bubbles up in his throat, but not even he could deny the proof that lay there before him. The wound is so deep and the amount of blood pouring out of her chest is extremely alarming, and all he can do is watch as she dies in front of him.

"Don't make that face," she croaks out as his tears continue to fall, pooling onto his hands pressed against her chest. Her words turn into faded wisps of smoke and he can no longer hear her.

"What was that? Say it..again," her body goes limp beneath him as her last whispered breath fades away from her lips.

He never really did hear what she was trying to say.

….

* * *

The war ended not too soon after, but so many different things were shattered, some impossible to put back together again, like a broken china doll. Gray figures that must be the price of war.

He doesn't want to remember how his life was like before, too saddened and too raw of having Ur die in his arms with no possible way of preventing it. He just wanted to forget.

_(he wanted to let go.)_

Nothing ever worked.

….

* * *

He never would have suspected that when he was seventeen, he would have met the love of his life that could do something for him that not he or anyone else could do.

With her sunny_sunny_ smiles and midnight blue eyes, she takes up all of his attention, but he doesn't mind because he gets to look at something beautiful. A sweetheart, he realized, that is what she is.

What she does, is help him forget.

….

* * *

There is a mountain along the borders of his train wreck city, not too far a walk but quite the hike. That's where they frequent and that's where all his _new_ memories are made. Oh how many big and small moments they share up there. There's too many to count and he's somewhat glad for that.

The new memories begin to block out his old ones.

….

* * *

"Gray my dear, please do tell me, who is Ur?"

"I don't remember."

"Yet you speak her name when you sleep?"

Silence followed afterwards, spreading like a cancer grows. The sun is setting, creating a beautiful picture of dawn throughout his trainwreck city.

"You make me forget,"

….

* * *

"Heaven's not enough if when I'm there I don't remember you," she tells him out of the blue one day.

His head turns to look at her pretty_pretty_ face he's stared at a million times and figures that if an orchard is beautiful, she's a thousand of them put together. Yet he was reminded of her earlier statement and a confused frown stretched across his face. He didn't want to remember things like heaven, and it was so very strange that she was getting him to remember something, because all she ever does is help him forget.

They sit on their mountain in their train wreck city.

He never responds.

….

* * *

As they sit yet again on their mountain he's pretty sure they've memorized the patterns of the leaves and grasses by now. The amount of years they've spent there simply staring at their familiar surroundings is innumerable. He realizes that he's beginning to feel grateful for life again. He realizes he's thankful that life moves on.

He realizes that he can see the whole city from there. What a beautiful sight, he thinks to himself, and what a beautiful thing life is for giving me someone to share it with.

The sun is in the sky, and he is almost giddy as he watches it slowly rise over his train wreck city.

….

* * *

That joy in existence without which the universe will fall apart and collapse. Ice and snow and then rain again and at last sunlight breaking through the clouds, and green again, green of grass and trees, blue of sky by day, twinkle of stars by night. Galaxies circled in cosmic pattern, choosing to spread their joy to the Earth by falling.

"Don't look now my dear but, the sky is falling," he holds his eyes closed tight, because everything is dying and there's nothing he can do to stop it.

And as the stars fall, he thinks of how he'd love to forget about his beloved city because remembering it would feel like a lost opportunity, a train that could have went somewhere special, but you missed the boarding time.

...

* * *

there was a nalu story I read with this sort of premise. BUT I CANT FIND IT FOR THE LIFE OF ME! and it was beginning to annoy me so i wrote my own version so that my head would clear haha :)) thanks for reading!


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